I saw a post, you know, one of those funny e-cards we all love so much — the ones that say what we are thinking but are to afraid to say. At first I thought I liked it, but then I realized it's wrong, and that it might have hit upon what's holding some stepparents back from really loving their kiddos.
The post said: "When you selflessly love more than you ought "… you're a good stepmom."
It shouldn't be: "You're a good stepmom." It should be: "You're a good person."
There is no correct amount of love for children, except unconditional, always, no matter whose birthing canal they got pushed out of.
It makes me a little heated thinking about it. Is this why there is such a stigma behind stepmoms: because we think we go above and beyond? That we deserve more and better because we love a child that isn't biologically ours? That is flat-out ridiculous.
I never look at my stepson and think, "Wow, sometimes it's hard to love you" or "You should be thankful I pushed my love tank a little too past empty for you today." Because if that's the category I am in, I am OUT!
I look at my stepson and want to kiss him, snuggle him, play with him. I want more time with him, more memories, more everything. I hate when he goes home. I miss him terribly. He is my heart, and not because I married a man with "baggage" but because I got the package deal.
My kiddos and I got a wonderful man, a great stepfather for them, and a funny, sweet, loving little brother and son.
Maybe the kids are the ones who are awesome, great and fantastic for loving more than one mom, or more than one dad, or siblings that they are forced to get to know.
More of my thankfulness comes from the fact that this little man chose to love me, chose to give me a chance, to trust me, to feel safe with me because I never saw him as a choice, not once. Nor will I ever!
Joy reader Jessica Hauser lives in Eagle Point. She writes a blog about her experiences as a mother and stepmother at http://thatsmsstepmomtoyou.wordpress.com and has a Facebook page at www.facebook.com/ThatsMrs.StepmomToYou