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  • They always have to say something

  • Your neighbor tells you, "Never let me see you up on the roof again. I don't care if it is flat. You could still fall and kill yourself." (It's a one-story house on a hill. The uphill side is four feet above ground.)
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    • Be a Columnist for a Day
      Do you have a point?
      Then maybe you can be a columnist for a day.
      If you want to take a shot at appearing in this space, email a 500-word column to Mail Tribune features editor David Smigel...
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      Be a Columnist for a Day
      Do you have a point?

      Then maybe you can be a columnist for a day.

      If you want to take a shot at appearing in this space, email a 500-word column to Mail Tribune features editor David Smigelski at dsmigelski@mailtribune.com. Include your phone number and city of residence.

      The rules are simple. Keep it short. Have a point. Don't cuss. And make us glad we asked.
  • Your neighbor tells you, "Never let me see you up on the roof again. I don't care if it is flat. You could still fall and kill yourself." (It's a one-story house on a hill. The uphill side is four feet above ground.)
    The grocery store clerk insists, "I can load your cart. Those bags are too heavy for you."
    The monthly housekeeper says, "Your apartment took me half an hour less than I expected. You're a clean little lady."
    Other drivers cringe when they see you coming, though you haven't had even a fender-bender in 15 years or more.
    At a party, the person you just met says, "My goodness, you're well-preserved for your age."
    You go to a knitting group, and someone comments, "I can't believe you aren't too bothered by arthritis to do that!"
    You've told your doctor repeatedly that you hate exercise machines, so you walk instead. But he keeps saying, "Now be sure to keep up that half-hour of brisk exercise at the Y every day." (Now who has the memory problem here?)
    The hairdresser insists on cutting your hair so short that it makes you look scalped; she insists, "But it's much easier to keep clean this way, dear, and you could use a wig if you ever wanted to dress up."
    Your older sister says, "Pants, jeans, sweaters, T-shirts! Why not an occasional skirt or suit? And your hair! You look so crummy I hate to go anywhere with you." (Actually, that's an age-free response from her.)
    Your brother says, "You really should think of moving to a retirement home. As soon as you're ready to sell the house, let me know."
    Your college grandchild tells you, "Grandma, I can't remember that. I hadn't been born yet."
    Then your cat begins to wake you half an hour earlier every morning by meowing loudly and walks up and down your body in bed. At least you can make her quit by spritzing her with a spray bottle.
    Anne Harris lives in Ashland.
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