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Ashland group helps women connect
Ellen Craine, left, Bobbie Pulver, center, and Chris Burns, all of Ashland, have been part of a support group for 20 years. They’ve shared family experiences of birth, relationships and death, and now, so others can have the same sense of community, they’ve created SisterSource, an organization that helps women find others with similar interests and develop their own support groups. SisterSource founders find, link up like-minded people By Jonel Aleccia Twenty years ago, the Ashland women had no idea they were creating a circle that would come to cement and sustain their lives. Heck, they thought they were joining a drawing group, a weekly gathering for 30-something women who wanted to get out of the house. "I just wanted adult conversation," recalls Chris Burns, 50, then the mother of two toddlers. But in the ensuing years, the group grew into something much more substantial than a hobby. For the seven women who’ve remained, it has been a source of support and friendship unlike any other.
"We’ve gone through marriage, divorce, births and deaths," says Burns. "For me," adds Ellen Craine, 51, "It’s really my family." In fact, the group has been so successful, the original members have been flooded with hints, suggestions and outright requests from women who wanted that kind of camaraderie, too. For years, they didn’t know how to provide it, short of expanding their own circle to unworkable numbers. Then, last spring, they came up with the idea for SisterSource, a fledgling clearinghouse aimed at helping other women form support groups of their own. "We were going to do a young women’s group to get girls talking to each other," explains Burns. "But then," adds Bobbie Pulver, 53, "we thought, ‘Why stop with adolescents?’ " The result has been both heartwarming and overwhelming, SisterSource organizers say. Spurred by word-of-mouth advertising and supermarket bulletin board fliers, dozens of women from Ashland and throughout Jackson County have signed up to form groups focused on everything from books and hiking to parenting, therapy and spirituality. "One woman wanted to organize a Sunday brunch group where women could just drop in and eat and talk," says Craine, a professional counselor. All told, they’ve fielded inquiries from about 40 interested women and so far formed four groups. SisterSource will hold two more organizational meetings this week for women interested in joining groups. See the accompanying box for details. At the core of the many requests seems to be a deep need, says Burns, who runs a business with her husband. She’s heard from women who say they’re lonely and women who say they’ve lived in the same city for 10 years and still have no close friends. "There’s a yearning," she says. "People really want to connect. It’s a way of wanting to be in community again." But, the women contend, busy schedules and far-flung families have stripped folks of connection, robbed them of community. Factors ranging from air conditioning to the Internet have combined and conspired to make it more difficult for modern humans to form deep, satisfying friendships, says Pulver. "Many women who are lonely feel that everyone else is connected but them," she says. "They don’t know how many others feel like they do." SisterSource organizers hope to overcome the obstacles of logistics to get women together. In the beginning, they’re serving as sort of a matchmaking service for women with definite interests — and there are many. "Some women want a spirituality group, others want an inner work or therapy group, others just want to play," notes Pulver, a natural health educator. Whatever their desires, the SisterSource volunteers will try to find suitable partners. Like all human relations, group matching is a quirky process, Burns notes. The few tentative groups they’ve formed have already morphed into new entities. And they expect that to continue as word spreads. "Things aren’t quite as neat and tidy in the real world," Craine says. As the new groups form, the SisterSource organizers offer to serve as facilitators or not as desired. Most of the women have backgrounds in group dynamics or counseling; the rest say their credentials lie in 20 years of group sharing. The organization is an all-volunteer effort now. There are plans for a Web page; they’ve reserved a site at www.sistersource.org. Mostly, Burns, Craine and Pulver say they hope to pass on one of the best gifts they’ve ever received: a chance to truly connect on an intimate level with other women. "At first we were just a support group," Craine explains. "But we’ve gotten to that place where’s there’s unconditional love in the group. " Through the years, the women have explored issues that run the gamut of human experience: relationships, children, career, faith. "If our issue is not being able to ask for what we need, in the group we would get to practice doing that," Craine says. Adds Burns: "I think it’s been one of the most valuable things in my life. It’s helped me find out who I am." The women fully expect that the idea of SisterSource will catch on quickly and spread widely. "I have a friend in Tennessee who asked when we’re going national," Burns says. Handling an influx of interest may be challenging, but the women say they’re committed to sharing the camaraderie they’ve found with others. "I’d love to see it get cloned across the country," says Burns. "I’d just love to see that." Reach reporter JoNel Aleccia at 776-4465, or e-mail jaleccia@mailtribune.com |
