Grandparents increasingly raise needy grandkids

I watched two active children for a portion of just one day and at the end of it, I was exhausted. I cannot imagine filling that role full time. But many grandparents do. One local 80-plus grandfather is parenting three grandchildren under age 6. One grandmother with chronic health problems has parented a 3-year-old since he was born.

According to the most recent census figures, there are 1,676 grandparents in our area who parent full time. These are aging adults who have already raised one family and are raising another ("Off Our Rockers" is the name a local support group chose for itself).

Often the parenting involves a kinship component. An aging aunt takes in her deceased sister’s teenagers; a widowed stepdad raises toddlers that are not even blood relatives. But it’s grandparents who are the centerpiece of second-time-around parenting.

It can be sudden or slow. A long-unseen daughter arrives at your doorstep with a small child and you didn’t even know you had a granddaughter. Or you’re in the role of child-care provider and there comes a moment when, as one grandmother put it, "I’m no longer watching them, I’m raising them."

Grandparents have always served as support for their children and grandchildren. But what’s happening right now seems different. Some data suggest one in 20 grandparents is in the role of a full-time parent. The reasons are often referred to as the four "Ds" — drugs, divorce, desertion and death. By most reports, drugs and alcohol are 80 percent of the problem.

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The phrase, "I didn’t need a child, but the child needed a mother" stays in my mind.

There are other phrases that linger as well, like this one from "Grandparents as Parents: A Survival Guide for Raising a Second Family":

"I live with my grandma because my mom left me on a hotel bench to get a cup of coffee. Your not supposed to leave babies by theirselves."

— Erica, Age 11

That’s right, you’re not supposed to abandon children, and "grand" parents don’t. What a huge task it is for them, though — and what a toll it must take. They need more support.

And with that thought in mind, a group of experts, including grandparents who are in the parenting role themselves, are coming to Southern Oregon to meet with local parenting grandparents and relatives who are parenting. They come with information, assistance and support. You can be supportive, too — spread the word.

Two "Grandparents as Parents" forums will be held, one from 10 a.m. to noon Wednesday, Oct. 26, at Mary Norbert Hall at Providence Medford Medical Center, and one from 10 to noon on Thursday, Oct. 27, at Lovejoy Hospice in Grants Pass. Call 664-6676, Ext. 226, or 776-7371, Ext. 210, for more information.

Sharon Johnson is an assistant professor in family and community development at OSU Extension and a member of the Senior Advisory Council. E-mail her at s.johnson@oregonstate.edu or call 776- 7371, Ext. 210.