If your history professor wore a white shirt, fat tie and polyester pants hiked up to his chest, you really should consider taking Western Civ over again — at the Oregon Cabaret Theater.
"Western Civilization: The Complete Musical (abridged)," which opened Friday, blasts through 1,000 years of history in 90 entertaining, irreverent minutes.
The ultimate lesson: no matter what the age — Dark, Enlightenment, Information — "the church is intolerant and the world is run by a handful of wealthy white men."
Jonathan Visser, Caitlin McGinty and Benjamin Scott Kramer play dozens of characters with just as many costume changes in a marvel of design and timing. Through it all — the singing and dancing and stand-up gags — their vocal harmonies remain spot-on.
The tall, lanky Visser, whom audiences will remember from "Cindy Rella" and "Snow White and the Several Dweebs," dominates with his masterful expressions. In the 14th century, he's a goofy doctor with thick glasses, a lisp and an appalling bedside manner.
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"What's the good news?" she says.
"You won't have it for long."
In the Industrial Revolution, he's Thomas Crapper, plucking on his long-handled plunger like a bass player while wailing in a bluesy voice, "It will feel like new when you skip to the loo."
Forgetting a verse, as he did in "Let's Be Frank About the Muslims," doesn't fluster him, the mark of a professional showman.
Caitlin McGinty's voice is like well-aged cognac, sweet and warm and smooth. She's also an accomplished comedienne, teasing the audience as the Grand Inquisitor in a nightclub act with her sultry "Let 'Em Swing."
"I know what you're thinking," she purrs as she sidles up to a torture device in her red, chain-bedecked corset. "Nice rack."
She plays an earnest if thick-headed Joan of Arc, who takes calls from talk-show listeners through her earmuffs of hair. "I hear voices in my head, so go ahead," she encourages her audience.
Ben Kramer shows off his comedic chops as Galileo in a disco lounge act — "I have a thing for heavenly bodies" — and as a frustrated Frenchman with a squeezebox in "Everybody Hates the French."
Kerri Lea Robbins' elaborate costumes are well-told jokes in their own right, with "Gay Ballet" the pièce de résistance. They, along with Jim Giancarlo's smart direction and boisterous choreography, keep the audience howling.
While writers Reed Martin and Austin Tichenor, of the Reduced Shakespeare Company, go for the easy laughs in "Western Civilization," underlining their gags is a biting commentary on religion's role in ignorance and cruelty throughout the ages.
Joan of Arc says gleefully, "I have faith — I don't need intelligence!" In "Blame it on the Lord," the cast sings, "He should take the wrap for all the crap, too." And in "Ain't it Crazy How Love Works," we hear, "People love Jesus so much they kill in his name."
And amid the laughter it makes us think, if only for a moment.
Cathy Noah is city editor at the Mail Tribune. Reach her at 776-4473 or e-mail cnoah@mailtribune.com.

