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Forgive your old flame

Have you forgiven your past partner, girlfriend or boyfriend? No? Why not? Holding on to the past grievances or blame only makes one miserable. How much misery do you like? How much is enough?

When we vacillate on past hurts we victimize ourselves through the old memories to the point that we reside in a living hell. Each time we think back or remember the past hurt we are inflicting pain on ourselves.

But who is doing it to you? You are. We allow our old thoughts to rule over or interfere with the reality in which we are living today. Who is in charge of what you think? You are.

You can stop the rethinking of the past but you have to be aware and watch what you are doing. As you watch your mind thinking the thoughts, say: "I am revisiting these memories and it is triggering my emotions and I choose to stop hurting myself." You have the power. Now you are aware of what you are doing to yourself, and you can change that particular thought: "I reject this thought from the past, and seek inner peace." That is forgiveness, which will ultimately allow you to live a healthier and happier life. We let go of the past.

The part of your mind that is aware the higher self is now in charge and that will bring you freedom. Unfortunately if we don't focus and take control of our thoughts we can slip back into reliving past thoughts over and over.

Certainly this process takes some practice and vigilance, but when the old memory comes back, just say: "Here is that old memory again and I choose to give it up, as the past is gone. I forgive it now and forever."

Just remember you are in charge of your thoughts, and you no longer want to victimize yourself with old memories. It is up to you. You can keep the old miserable thought process going, but do you want to live your life that way, and if so, why, and for how much longer?

If someone from an old relationship is currently inflicting pain through rumors or via the internet just remember to send them peace as they are the one who is hurting.

A very helpful book is "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. The first agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word and the second, Don't Take Anything Personally. Both are essential to healing past relationships. This will take some time and practice.

Here is an example: A little girl grew up believing she had a horrible voice simply because her mother was sensitive to any noise. So the daughter believed what her mother said and no longer sang, and further believed that her voice was ugly and became shy and more reclusive. The fact was, the girl actually had a beautiful voice.

Whenever we hear an opinion and believe it, we make an agreement, and it becomes part of our belief system. Through the words we speak, we express creative power.

For example, if we complain about a past relationship, our word is creating and building on the past old memory bank and we are only creating grievances for ourselves and for others.

How we use our words verbally or in print through social Internet media can be destructive.

The only way to ultimately heal and achieve inner peace in your life and with others is through forgiveness.

Scott McKirgan lives and works in the Rogue Valley

Rogue Valley residents are invited to submit 600 to 700 word articles on all aspects of inner peace to innerpeace@q.com

Acknowledgement: The July 30 Inner Peace article "Learning from stress" was written by Jan Harrell, Ph.d., Ashland psychologist and co-author of "Love Again — Creating Relationships Without Blame." For more information go to: www.InnerPeacePress.com