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This local dog has his say

Editor's Note: This column was said to have been written by Cody, with a little help from his owner, Suzi Hollingsworth. Who are we to argue?

Mom said you were looking for people with something to say. I hope that applies to dogs, as well, because I have a lot to say.

First of all, I just don’t understand some of the things people do. For instance, when my mom takes me for a walk, she takes a baggie and brings my droppings home. What does she do with them? She takes them into the garage, but I’ve been in there, and that place is not full of doggie poop. Please tell me she doesn’t put it in that big freezer in there. Gross! I just can’t imagine where it all goes.

And then there is Dad. He is always telling me to get out of his chair. Well, how am I supposed to know it is his chair? Everybody knows that the proper way to claim something as your own is to pee on it. Doesn’t he know that?

Mom loves me best during thunderstorms. She tells me that she is so happy that I don’t mind thunder. Apparently, the dog before me would freak out during thunderstorms. Mom said the only thing that settled him down was a ride in the car. She would be out driving around in her pajamas in the middle of the night to settle the dog down. Really? That is a little over the top, I think. It’s a little thunder — get over it.

I love to eat. More than anything else. Mom took me to the veterinarian, and that quack told her I need to lose weight. Now I get these little bitty portions of food that wouldn’t keep an ant alive. I do get treats — kind of. She found these treats that only have 3 calories and zero grams of fat. They also have zero grams of flavor, but I eat them because they are better than nothing.

Dad is easier to get along with. He doesn’t agree with the veterinarian and feeds me table scraps. All I have to do is look at him with my big dark eyes, and he delivers a snack. That doesn’t work with Mom.

Speaking of the veterinarian, can you believe he told Mom to brush my teeth? Are you kidding me? I’m a dog. I don’t care about my breath. None of the lady dogs on my street run up to me and smell my breath. We have other ends to smell! And the toothpaste is poultry-flavored. Why would I want chicken breath? I don’t like the teeth-brushing routine, so I usually lick my mom’s hand the whole time. She doesn’t really get much of that stuff on my teeth, so I feel like I win.

Even though Mom tells me that SHE is the alpha dog — we all know who really runs this place!

Suzi Hollingsworth lives in Ashland.