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Cellphones really get his goat

I hate cellphones.

I have one, but I use it like a spare tire. I keep it for emergencies. I do not pass gas on it all the time.

When my wife and I go to a restaurant, we always pick the booth that is farthest away from the others. The very next jerk through the door will sit right beside us and pass oral flatulence through his phone, talking loud enough for everyone else to hear.

Often, while you are checking out at a store, the customer at the register is getting ready to pay when her phone rings. She will then cease to remember that she is in a line with other people and will blab nothings while everybody else in line plus the cashier are expected to wait until she is darn good and ready to finish paying and take her leave. And if the cashier does anything to try to move the line along, the customer on the phone will accuse her of rudeness.

I was shopping at the store once when an inconsiderate creep got a call on his cellphone. He sat down in a chair in the middle of the store and yelled into the phone for half an hour. You could hear him all over the store. And because everybody heard everything he said, we all agreed it was a half hour of verbal garbage of utterly no importance.

I was there once when a man was buying a gun. To do this you have to fill out a BATFE form. While he was doing that, you guessed it, his phone rang. He could have waited a few minutes until after the sale was made. But, no. People don’t do that. He immediately answered like it was the most important call on earth. You could tell by hearing his half of the conversation that it was all BS (barnyard spread). The poor clerk had to stand there like a dog on a chain and wait for him to get done running his mouth.

In most doctors’ offices there are signs that tell patients to turn off the cellphones. But, do they? Not often. I have often had to sit near somebody who was breaking wind into their phone.

You can often hear cellphones ring in churches and theaters. How rude is that?

Where I used to work, we once had a guy from United Way trying to convince us to donate to that charity. While he stood before us preaching, his lousy cellphone cut loose. You would think that a sensible person would turn off their phone before talking to a group, but I guess he wasn’t a sensible person.

Also, when I would go to the lunchroom where I once worked, there were always one or two people blabbing on their phones. They never say anything important. I guess they just want to hear the wind blow.

To me, a perfect world would be one where I wouldn’t have to be constantly cursed by cellphones.

Darrell C. Monk lives in Medford.