Mishap and recovery on a routine trip to Costco
I did not expect a mundane trip to Costco for a hearing check to be so entertaining.
As long as I’m here, I need more vitamins (for women over 50). Bingo! Found the vitamins immediately. Then it occurred to me that we’re out of mayonnaise. Wandering around, a sweet lady offered me a bite-size Hershey bar.
“Ooh, thank you so much,” I said, as I pocketed the little bar. My lucky day — I spotted mayonnaise in a quart-size jars, not gallons. I was drawn to “organic avocado oil” mayo.
Hmm, I didn’t get Kind bars the last time I was here. What a deal — 20 bars for less than $20! Good thing I didn’t have any more time before my hearing center appointment. I figured in 5 minutes I’d spent nearly $50 — $10 per minute.
Looking for the shortest line, hurrah, I spotted self-checkout machines. I can do this. But, of course, I couldn’t. A big, red X appeared on the screen. Thankfully, a helpful gentleman patiently showed me how to work the machine and then gave me a thumbs-up.
So pleased with how fast I was in and out of Costco, I tucked my purchases under my arm while I fished in my purse for my car keys. Oops, I felt the mayonnaise jar sliding out from under my arm. It was one of those slow-motion accidents. You can see it all unfolding but not slowly enough for you to stop the inevitable. Splat! A big blob of mayonnaise filled with gleaming glass shards had kerplopped on the black asphalt.
“Rats!” I exclaimed aloud.
I stared at the blob for a moment and then went to work. With plastic bags stored in my car, I carefully used a large piece of glass to scoop the mayo into one bag and reinforced the mess with other bags. I cautiously added the smaller pieces of glass. My hands were smeared with goop, but I made my way back to the store.
I told my tale of woe to the lady at the door, who directed me to customer service, with a cheery note: “I bet they’ll replace that.”
Sure enough, though not cheerfully, the man behind the counter nodded, reached for his walkie-talkie and muttered: “Jar of avocado mayo.” He instructed me to wait: “Someone will be here in a minute.” And she was.
Kudos to Costco! To celebrate, I ate that small Hershey bar in my pocket. It was slightly melted, but so good. Licking my fingers, I noticed another good taste. It was my mayonnaise “hand cream” — the leftover, oily goop that I had rubbed into my skin in my parking lot clean-up efforts. A new delicious discovery; my hands feel soft and moisturized. Good thing I don’t have a cat or a dog; I’d be licked until it tickled.
I chuckled to myself all the way home, recalling an old saying: “Those who can laugh at themselves never cease to be amused.”
Lynn Ransford lives in Ashland.
Be a columnist for a day
Do you have something to say? Do you have a humorous take on current events or an insightful angle on the seemingly mundane? Maybe you have a view of life that will help us all see things a little more clearly. If so, email your 500-word column to features editor David Smigelski at firstname.lastname@example.org. Please put “Columnist for a Day” in the subject line, and include your phone and city of residence. The rules are simple. Keep it short. Have a point. Don’t cuss. And make us glad we asked. If we like it, we’ll run it in the Sunday paper.