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Bees don’t go well with root beer

I made the mistake of ordering a bottle of root beer with my pizza during a sunny day in downtown Ashland.

As soon as I took it outside, bees came swarming over.

I was still waiting for my pizza when one bee started buzzing madly for my drink, and I hastily put it down to avoid getting stung. I'm not sure if I'm allergic to bees but I don't want to find out.

The bee settled around the lip of the bottle and I thought, Oh, no, don't fall in. Sure enough, it fell in.

Damn it, now the bee was drowning in my root beer.

Then another bee followed suit. It buzzed around the lip of the bottle and fell in. Now two bees were drowning in my root beer.

I quickly went inside the pizza parlor and asked for a straw. It still had the paper on when I put it into the bottle to rescue the bees. Other bees were swarming around me now, and I had to hurry or risk their wrath.

I felt guilty. Did the bees suspect I was the culprit of this crime? Death by root beer, not a good way to go.

Unfortunately, the paper straw made the root beer fizz madly when I stuck it in. I managed to fish one bee out and it flew away.

However, the other bee looked like it had drowned. Poor thing, I thought. I still got it out though. It lie on the paper straw, totally drenched and unmoving.

Well, that's it then, I thought dolefully. So much for that.

Other bees started to swarm around the drowned bee, as if inspecting it.

I made my exit with the root beer bottle then wondered if it was still safe to drink.

I saw other bees were landing on the trash can outside and remembered we are still in a pandemic — so I dumped the root beer in the trash and decided to have my gluten-free pizza sans root beer.

A moment later, it appeared the drowned bee had disappeared. Had it miraculously recovered and flown off? Maybe it just fell down onto the ground.

The straw was still on the table but bees were flying wildly around. I decided to leave the straw behind.

My pizza was finally ready and I took it to go, not wanting to risk another rehash with the crazy bees in case they wanted revenge.

I see a lot of dead bees around, and it's really sad. I'm not sure if it's from all the smoke we've had or the fires. Hopefully it's not from the Wi-Fi, because that would really be bad. I don't know if I can live without Wi-Fi now, but I know we can't live without bees.

We wouldn't have food on the table if anything happened to the bees. With all this climate crisis going on, it's hard enough for the little creatures to survive. I'd hate to think I contributed to their demise with my over-sugared fizzy root beer.

JD Barons lives in Ashland.

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