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Food & History

Southern soul food horoscope —

Jeff Cheek

The zodiac comes from two Greek words, "kyklos" (circle) — and "zodiakos" (animals). A friend from the Deep South sent me a new zodiac — that abandoned the animal signs and substituted familiar southern foods. — So, look up your sign and read your southern horoscope.

MOON PIE (Aries): You're the type that spends a lot of — time on the front porch. It is a cinch to recognize the physical appearance — of the Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words. You should marry anyone — that will have you. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe — not. No use rushing things.

POSSUM (Taurus): When confronted with life's difficulties — Possums tend to withdraw and develop a "don't bother me" attitude. Sometimes — you are so withdrawn that people think you are dead. Don't try it on a — busy freeway.

CRAWFISH (Gemini): Crawfish is a water sign. If you work — in an office, you are always hanging out around the water cooler. Crawfish — prefer the beach to the mountains. They tend to be physically unattractive — but they have great hands.

COLLARDS (Cancer): Collards have a special genius for — communications. They love to get into the "melting pot" of life. Collards — make good social workers, politicians and baseball managers, probably — because nobody respects them.

CATFISH (Leo): Catfish are traditionalists in matters — of the heart, with one exception. Whiskers cause problems with loved ones. — Catfish are hard to understand, because they prefer the muddy bottom to — the clear surface of life.

GRITS (Virgo): Your goal is to cuddle with others like — yourself. You love to travel, so you should join a Grits Travel Club. — Where would you go — To any place that has eggs or butter or gravy or — cheese as your companion.

BOILED PEANUTS (Libra): You have a passionate desire to — serve your fellow man. But some of your friends think you are too salty.Their — criticism affects you deeply, as you are softer than you appear, so you — often hide in your shell.

BUTTER BEANS (Scorpio): Always invite a Butter Bean to — your dinners as Butter Beans get along with everyone. You have grown on — the vine of life and have ripened into a wise old companion that is comfortable — at any dinner party.

ARMADILLOS (Sagittarius): You have a tendency to develop — a tough exterior but actually you are quite gentle. You are a throwback — to the historical past, not interested in today's news. Better stay single — or marry another Armadillo.

OKRA (Capricorn): Although you appear crude, you are actually — very slick inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can — look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere, — with Gumbo as his legacy.

CHITLINS (Aquarius): Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. — However a Chitlin can make something of himself if he is motivated and — has enough seasoning. Handle Chitlins carefully as they can erupt and — make a terrible mess.

BOLL WEEVIL (Pisces): You have an overwhelming curiosity. — Unsatisfied with the surface of things, you feel the need to bore deep — into the interior. You are intense and driven by some inner hunger. Nobody — in their right mind will marry you.

After reading your horoscope you may need a stiff drink. — Try a Quick Shock from the Aquarius chapter of Arminta Braasch's delightful — "Gastrological Cook Book."


2/3 cup brandy

1/3 cup white creme de menthe


Shake liquids together, pour into cocktail glass, sprinkle — with chili powder and serve.