fb pixel

Log In


Reset Password

Maybe they're aliens on wheels

I have noticed a strange phenomenon in the Rogue Valley, and I wonder whether anyone else is aware of it. Whenever a driver is using his or her cellphone, their turn signals cease to work!

Now, not only are they distracted, but their vehicles seem to be malfunctioning. This is also spreading to folks who aren't on the cellphone. There seems to be a rash of malfunctioning turn signals.

It can't be that people are just too lazy to use them. I know for a fact it takes only a flick of a finger to turn them on. I personally use my little finger — it burns only a couple of calories, and I barely notice them being gone. My energy levels remain on an even keel, and I do not experience dizziness or lethargy when using the signals. In fact, I find my driving improves considerably. I am less likely to get into an accident and less likely to have near misses.

Perhaps the Taliban is involved. Maybe they have found a way to send a signal to the automobile that causes it to malfunction. They could be hoping to cause a bunch of accidents and have us kill ourselves. It would save on those expensive explosives.

It could be alien technology. They may be experimenting on our population, trying to cause chaos to see how we react. If we can't handle a little traffice confusion, maybe we wouldn't be able to handle a close encounter.

The drivers with the problem don't seem to even notice. They drive on, turning here and there, ignoring everyone else, leaving havoc and mayhem behind. For the rest of us ... confusion, anger and road rage ensue.

Is there a solution to this phenomenon? We could create an app for those phones that automatically turns on the signal. Oh, never mind, that's stupid. We'll just have to learn to deal with the sudden turns and the unexpected lane changes.

I intend to deal with it by continuing to flick my little finger and using my signals. As for those of you who aren't signalling, watch for a flick of my big finger!

Paula Gerschler lives in Medford.