Dr. June: If you want to get married, don’t move in with a guy who doesn’t
Dear Dr. June: I’m in love and want to get married. My partner does not because he said, “We don’t need a title or a piece of paper to show our commitment.” It’s been two years and he wants us to just move in together. I’m with him all the time, we spend most weekends together, but I never want to just live with someone. It goes against my morals. I want the white-picket-fence type of life. Now I don’t know what to do, because I don’t want to lose him. We’re so great for each other. Should I just move in and see how it goes? Maybe he’ll change his mind. In love in Lakeland, Florida
Dear In Love: Yep! You’re in a pickle and you’re probably not going to pucker up after my answer. Within a relationship, two people should have some, not all, things in common. Your relationship is missing a major goal that needs to be in common — marriage. I’m surprised this never came up during all this time you’ve been dating. Make sure you find this out close to the beginning of your next relationship. Yes, your next relationship. If you feel strongly about this morally, but he doesn’t, then you are not “so great for each other.” Trust me, once you give in and move in, you will not be getting the bling anytime soon ... if at all. He’s already told you his position on marriage, which means he may not be happy even if you do get married (since that’s not what he wants in life). In case you still don’t understand my position, the answer is: No, no, no. You should not move in. Have a conversation, not a yelling match, and share your position. If the two of you can’t agree, then it’s time to separate.
Dear Dr. June: My family and I only get together twice a year. We used to see each other almost every other month. Now my sisters and brothers are too busy with their children and work. I also work and have two children. So, I don’t think it’s a good excuse. I don’t want the family to lose touch and not stay close to each other. What do I do? Vik in New York
Dear Vik: Well the good news is that you do get together at least twice a year. Some families don’t connect that much, which means you’re already ahead of the game. You can certainly mention your concerns during the next family gathering. I understand because my family lost a sibling after we stopped gathering as much. Fortunately, it led us to start seeing each other more. Tell your family that the goal is to stay close instead of reconnecting after something negative happens. Hope it all works out well for you and the family.
— Dr. June Hall is an author and motivational coach who has reached millions through her advice column and public speaking engagements. If you have questions for Dr. June, contact her at www.junehall.com.