Timeless questions about moving on
To move on or not to move on, that question will remain long after we are gone.
Find that special someone to help you forget why you were sad. Is the sudden death of a loved one harder than death after a prolonged illness? Is 5 years easier to get over than 50 years? Who determines what the appropriate amount of time is to grieve or start dating again?
You break up, you move too fast, rebound relationship — Charles Barkley scootin’ his round mound backwards, blocking out good relationships you were supposed to have. The rebound squirts right by into your arms, destined to provide you happiness for a little while, but in the end, game over.
That rebound is everything your current love was not, exciting, new, and you wonder how did you go without this for so long? Your old love had all the things you craved. You wish you’d been better at sustaining it.
After a death, now that one is tricky. Was it the best 5, 10, 35 years you could have imagined?
Will anyone be able to achieve that with you again? Why settle, just live on those sweet memories and pour all of your energy into your kids and leave none for anyone else. Your kids will say their parents were a great love story because no one could move on. Sounds nice, but that is rare.
Most people are selfish, they want — no they need — to be taken care of financially, emotionally or physically, pick your poison.
I am not saying that we don’t have needs, but we are a throw‐away society. Not happy? Leave, cheat, stay angry, but don’t work on it. No time for that. We all like shiny new things, until something shinier comes along, phone, car, lover ... you get the point. Sometimes the grass is not greener on the other side, you just wind up with green paint all over your hands climbing back over the reality fence, and let me tell you, it definitely leaves a mark.
We are not interchangeable — Next! Step right up, new dad, new grandma, fill in the blank. We are works in progress, works of art, take pictures, maybe on that shiny new phone, it will save you sleepless nights trying to find memories of your father, realizing you captured nothing to show your children, analyzing what that means about how you are honoring his memory. You need to show compassion, respect and compromise in your life. You can’t have it your way in every way. If you think you can, then you are not providing a very good life for those around you.
So when you find that someone who seems to get you, hold on tight, and when you choose to build a life together, be very diligent in how you handle that love, you are setting the bar for generations to come.
— Patsy D. Winningham lives in Central Point.