This makes sense when you spell Evian backwards
Perhaps you’ve heard of one of the latest crazes in the eternal, existential endeavor to live healthier, happier lives.
It’s called ... and this is its pseudo-scientific name .. "water."
More precisely … “raw water,” the concept of avoiding any H2O that has been treated or filtered in any manner, in order to avoid exposure to fluoride, plumbing, or anything that would strip away the natural and organic minerals — such as pesticides, bacteria and animal waste — you’d benefit from by drinking water straight from the source.
I really should have put “natural” and “organic” in quotation marks; because, once again, those generic terms are being used to cover up for the paranoia-driven intentions of the Army of the Easily Swayed.
People such as the holistic health coach in California who extols the benefits of “raw water” in glowing terms on her Facebook page:
“Water. It makes up 70 percent of me so it must be important!" she writes. “Nothing feeds the soul more than filling up water fresh from the womb of the earth ... untouched by hands but touched & blessed by the powers of the Mount Shasta's Mountains."
She doesn’t mention, however, that the waters from Mount Shasta also would include the … ummm, tainted … minerals from the Lemurians’ septic system runoff — although those actually could be considered “natural” and “organic.”
So, it’s all good.
Live Water, a Los Angeles-based company that bottles its water directly from “the best source available for the entire West Coast" — Opal Spring in Madras, obviously — sells 2.5-gallon glass jugs for $16 each.
Tourmaline Spring in Maine, meanwhile, will send you a 12-pack of one-liter bottles (plastic, not glass) for $35.95 … plus $23.75 for shipping and handling.
Heck, on eBay — where you can buy a jar of McDonald’s “Special Sauce” for $100,000 and the “spirits of dead children” for $199 each — plastic jugs of what the sellers swear is raw water go for as little as $9.75 a gallon. And, if you don’t trust the origin, you can get a “raw water strainer” for $116.73.
Although that probably would strain the “natural” and “organic” — not to mention the credibility — out of the process.
Mukhande Singh, the founder of Live Water, told the New York Times that the raw water craze was born out of returning to our roots and avoiding the dangers of government-manipulated water supplies.
“Tap water? You’re drinking toilet water with birth control drugs in them,” Singh said. “On top of that, they’re putting in fluoride. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but it’s a mind-control drug.”
Given his views, it’s surprising Singh didn’t found Live Water in Topeka, Kansas — where the state legislature sought to ban fluoride because it was known to lower the IQ of those who drank it, and the last thing Kansas needed was to lower the intelligence level in state government.
Probably too difficult to find water in Topeka that’s as good for the soul as that coming from Madras.
Obviously, you can lead a horde to water, but you can’t make it think — and the raw water craze boils down to the ability to buy into the marketing of a belief system (and, ultimately, $16 jugs of faith).
When the government (those untrustworthy fluoride purveyors) breaks "organic" into percentile-driven categories — 100% Organic, Organic, Made with Organic Ingredients, and "organic ingredients" listed only on the nutrition label — and the definition of "natural" is even more nebulous, you can see how the trickle-down eroding of trust becomes a deluge of doubt.
The same confidence game plays out in the world of “natural” and “organic” products. Back in 2013, for instance, in a taste test coffee drinkers preferred by a 4-to-1 margin the “organic coffee” they were served to that simply labeled “coffee” — even though both cups contained the exact same brew.
So, if you’re thinking of joining the rush to raw water (or plan to use it to make your coffee), beware of false advertising claims and consider the three-quart can available on Amazon from Future Essentials that is filled with 100% Organic Dehydrated Water. It has no artificial colors or flavoring, is Gluten-Free and contains no MSG.
For $19.95, it better not have any GMOs to worry about, either.
— Mail Tribune copy editor Robert Galvin’s cat will drink only filtered water from the kitchen sink. Send your water preferences to email@example.com.