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How to stop dating narcissists

Ashland author and dating coach Sierra Faith will read excerpts from her book “Absolutely Adored — Stop Choosing Narcissistic Men and Finally Be a Well-Loved Woman” 7 p.m. Monday, April 15 at Bloomsbury Books, 290 E. Main St.

Faith, a relationship coach for about 12 years, said her book is a tool for women who have tendencies to date narcissists to learn why that is and how to change it.

“I tend to work with very high-performance women, often who are very successful in every other area in their life except for their dating life,” Faith said. “They tend to over-give in their relationships, and they’re not very educated in the differences between men and women.”

In simple terms, the pattern stems from how people are raised and what they take with them into their adult lives.

She said a lot of the women she works with come from homes where they were raised by a narcissistic parent.

“Children learn to put the needs of their caregivers first and they become very adept givers, and when that translates into their dating life, because most healthy men fall in love when they give and most healthy women fall in love when they receive, these women often fall in love with narcissistic men who never actually fall in love,” Faith said.

She said she’s developed a system of online dating that teaches women to vet potential suiters. They learn to bring out the best in themselves and the best in the men they’re dating.

“There’s really a whole neurological transformation within women when they learn how to stop over-giving and start becoming pleasure centric,” Faith said.

She said the teachings help these women to have an internal “barometer” to better understand their own comfort and pleasure and to use that as a compass for how they interact with men.

“I’m a men’s advocate, a lot of women these days have an attitude toward men that they’re guilty until proven innocent, and the ‘me too’ movement has amplified that,” Faith said. “I’ve learned that there’s a lot of great men out there, and a lot of women don’t even see them.”

She said she never intended to get into this line of work, but once she did, she was a natural.

“When I started dating, I didn’t know what I was doing,” Faith said.

She said she started researching the differences in the courting process between men and women and started applying that knowledge to her own dating life and saw radical results. She said a circle of friends asking for her advice soon turned into a larger circle of women wanting those same results. Then she fell into a world of helping others the way she’d helped herself.

This is her second author event at Bloomsbury on her book, which is available at the bookstore as well as Amazon.com.

For more information, her website at consciouscourtship.com.

Contact Tidings reporter Caitlin Fowlkes at cfowlkes@rosebudmedia.com or 541-776-4496. Follow her on Twitter @cfowlkes6.