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You must remember this ... since I sure can't

Driving to work, I felt as though I was on the verge of an epiphany.

The road opened before me, and I had a clearer view of the path ahead than I’d felt in many a moon.

That’s when I realized that I was wearing my glasses ... my “home glasses.”

I would not need my “home glasses” at work because — as fellow travelers of a certain age will recognize — my “work glasses” were waiting at my desk, ready to be put into use.

I haven’t done a deep-dive data analysis on the subject, but I’m comfortable stating that many of us have “home” and “work” glasses for much the same reason — so that we don’t need to risk forgetting them in one location when we need them in the other.

Gas is expensive. Traffic is annoying. You can’t save time in a bottle.

I digress. As you might remember, I was driving to work when I did have, if not an epiphany, at least an A ha! Moment.

I’ve been forgetting things as of late. (I’d suggest that I am in a state of forgetfulness more prevalent than in recent years ... but I can’t quite recall how forgetful I’d been in recent years.)

Thankfully, I’m not going through this alone.

We returned home one afternoon to a warm, comfy house, the cat nestled in vicinity of the fireplace, when we shared one of the seconds of synchrony that most married couple will recognize.

“I thought,” we said in unison, “that you shut off the fireplace.”

These things happen.

At least the cat was inside. This we should consider progress, since recently at lunch we were stirred from our blissful noshing by the site of our feline overlord shooting daggers in our direction from the outdoors side of the sliding glass door.

We begged forgiveness upon letting her back in, but she was having none of it — choosing to pinch off a yowl that we understood immediately to mean “You two need to get your act together” as she strut out of sight like Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly in “The Devil Wears Prada.”

Now, you see? Right there in a nutshell (which is how we’ve come to think of our house) is the problem.

I can tell you right this moment that Meryl Streep’s character in “The Devil Wears Prada” was named Miranda Priestly, but anxiety rears its ugly head when I wonder whether we’ve turned off the burners on the stove after making lunch.

For instance, at work this week ... wait, be right back ...

10 ... 9 ... 8 ... 7 ... 6 ... 5 ... 6 ... 7 ... 8 ... 9 ... 10 ...

Yep, the stove was fine — OFF, OFF, OFF, OFF, OFF.

Where was I? Oh yeah, at work this week we were discussing this brainless yellow organism that scientists have charmingly called “The Blob,” when we segued into how Steve McQueen had starred in the original movie version of “The Blob” ... and hadn’t James Arness played the title role?

That didn’t seem quite right, but as I decided to go ogle it on the search engine, I was reminded of the trivia question about naming the first actor to appear on screen during the first episode of “Gunsmoke.”

Which, of course, was John Wayne who — about to start filming his greatest film, “The Searchers” — shot an introduction to the first episode.

And it was just about that moment when I verified that Arness actually had played the title character in the “The Thing From Another World” that I sat wondering why it is I can remember that type a thing and yet forget to start the dishwasher, or pull back into the driveway after backing out to make sure I’d locked the front door.

Once, having done that, I backed out again only to realize I hadn’t left the porch light on — which required pulling back in, opening the front door, turning on the light, and (I think) re-locking the door.

Yep, getting older. But it’s like what that other brainless yellow organism — the great philosopher Homer — once said: “Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain.”

OK, wait a minute, now THAT sounds familiar ... and I don’t just mean from “The Simpsons.” While I head to the Googles, did you know that Homer Simpson is named after Homer Groening (father of “Simpson” creator Matt Groening) ... who actually was named after the Greek poet.

No, not Socrates.

Ah, yes, here it is: I have indeed gone to the well of the Homer quotation before — thrice, in fact. In 2012, again in 2014, and once more in August of this year. I’ll add it to Prof. Irwin Corey’s answer to the question “Why do you wear sneakers?” on the list of references not to repeat henceforth ... if I can remember where I put the list.

I used the Homer quote this time because I had made a note to do so on the pad I use to remind myself what to talk to you about on Sundays ... and, wouldn’t you know, on Thursday night I left the pad behind and didn’t realize it until getting into the car for the ride home.

Heading back into the office wasn’t all bad, though, since I needed to take off my work glasses and leave them on my desk.

Mail Tribune copy desk chief Robert Galvin can be reached at ... umm ... oh yes, rgalvin@rosebudmedia.com

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