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Be it ever so Goofy, there’s no place like home


The people who wormed their way into your minds by implanting “It’s a small world after all” into your subconscious now want to make their vision of that world even smaller.

In the process, they’re trying to tap into a growing buyers’ market — people for whom the trials and tribulations of the everyday might be solved, or at least avoided, by going to Disneyland … without taking the traditional route of winning the Super Bowl.

They want you to live there, 24/7/365, in a series of planned communities where, according to the rollout announcement, “you can be part of Disney all the time.”

Yes, your existence can be compressed into a world of laughter, a world of tears in a project called “Storyliving” where Disney says the residents will be “active participants in the stories.”

I wonder if the folks behind the Greater Idaho movement have considered this as a fallback position.

The first Storyliving development, planned (natch) for Southern California, is to be called Cotino — which, according to a quick interweb search, represents practicality, sincerity, realism (wait, this Disney) as well as discipline.

“A world of hopes and a world of fears …”

Cotino, with accommodations for 1,900 residents, will have its shops, restaurants, activity spaces and the like set around not a lake … but a body of water created by “crystal lagoon technology,” and featuring “clear, turquoise waters.”

They could call it Lake Oxymoronic — which would make Cotino residents …

Speaking of the Greater Idaho movement, while petitioners in Douglas and Klamath counties have secured ballot spots for the plan to annex a large, red swath of Oregon to the potato farm to our east, some political leaders in The Gem State are warming to the idea of securing oceanfront property.

State Rep. Barbara Ehardt told a Portacello television station recently that the plan — which, if enacted, would make Idaho the third-largest state in what’s left of the country — would help her state market itself internationally.

At least, that’s I think she said … you be the judge:

“We’re talking about water and resources, you know Coos Bay is something that’s not even, that’s a deep-water port that’s not even being used because the conservationists in Oregon, but it’s something we would use, so it’s a good conversation and that’s something I’m hoping to try and promote and help us move forward and have.”

(Editor’s note: That’s a lot of “that’s.”)

But if Idahoans such as Ehardt want to try and promote and help us move forward and have Coos Bay (and the rest of us in so doing), they’d better move quick — for, as the saying goes, the crystal lagoon technology is more clear turquoise in the other fella’s yard.

According to a report this past week from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, that the American coastline will see seas rising as much in the next 30 years as they did in the entire 20th century.

And while the Idaho coast wouldn’t see the sort of impact expected in the Atlantic states — street flooding could hit Coos Bay during high tides in 2035 — when you combine that with the increased risk of tsunamis, decades of drought, and the eventual Cascadia megaquake … well, the oceans might be wide, but it’s a small whirled after all.

“I’m working on a morning flight to anywhere but here,” the late folksinger Nanci Griffith laments in “Late Night Grande Hotel,” and that speaks to the emotional impetus for both Disney’s Cotino plans and the Greater Idaho movement.

Some folks just want to be anywhere but where they are — which, while an understandable stance, is just a masked desire to escape … preferably to someplace “safer,” or more in tune with how they view life politically or socially.

The problem, to quote noted brain surgeon Buckaroo Bonzai, is that no matter where you go … there you are.

We might want to be somewhere else, but do we really want to be an “active participant” in a Disney story or have to go through the trouble of learning the words to “Here We Have Idaho” — just to discover that solving our current problems won’t prohibit us from acquiring new ones.

Cotino, Portacello, Nirvana or Shangri-la … they all have hidden dangers lurking beneath the surface of their crystal turquoise persuasion.

Not so, I am certain, with the New England hamlet of Warren, Vermont — where HGTV has built the Dream Home some lucky contestant, who has hunted-and-pecked his fingertips to the bone while entering on a daily basis, is certain to win.

When it comes to escape plans, that ain’t no Mickey Mouse operation.

There is just 27 small moons and two golden suns at rgalvin@rosebudmedia.com